Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I Ain't Got It

So, it's Wednesday and I'd love to be linking to Pinteresting, but it's 11:00, I'm tired, and I'm a slow blogger, that would just take too much time.  So, today, instead, I have a confession.  I talk a good game, I can talk about faith, I can give you scriptures on faith.  But you know the realization I came to today, I don't have it.  Or at least not enough, not a mustard seed.  You want to know my irrational fear?  I have a fear of who God will want me to marry.  I have a fear He's going to want me to marry some guy I don't like.  Is that not the craziest thing ever?  I really want to turn my love life (or lack thereof) over to Him, b/c me trying to control it has been nothing but a disaster, but I think I'm scared.  I'd almost rather be single than let God have control.  That is so warped.
I have a friend who's had a rough week and we've been talking a good bit about this subject.  So that's my goal, to actually live like I'm talking.  To really believe that God's plan is best.  To ask for the Holy Spirit's leading in this and follow His nudgings. 
Please understand, I'm not desperate to be married, I'm perfectly content single, maybe too content.  What I want to get away from is thinking I know best, trying to manipulate things into going my way, and trying to control things.  I want to let go and let God.  I do know one thing, in my recent attempts at this, I feel peace that eludes me when I try to retain control. 

And in other news... as a TN graduate... where will Peyton go???????????

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